


Always Wanting What You Can't Have

by writerseventeen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cocky Levi, M/M, basically a gratuitous study of levi's attractiveness, someone had to do it, with some plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-05-19 06:12:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14868236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerseventeen/pseuds/writerseventeen
Summary: Levi’s painfully aware of his attractiveness. The hungry looks on the faces of young recruits exhausts him daily. But at this point, he’s mastered the art of ignoring them. Until Eren Yeager comes along and shows no interest in him all. This throws Levi off more than he’s willing to admit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know how I stumbled across this ship but I'm glad that I did.

 

He’s getting sick of it. Pretending not to notice proves morbidly exhausting yet he has no choice as a superior officer. He tries to discourage it with his intense and violent disinterest but this only seems to provoke it even more. When he refers to “it” he means the unyielding fervor of attraction he seems to amass with every round of recruits. He can tolerate their idol worship but their carnal interest in him exhausts him to his very core. At this point, he doesn’t know what else he can do. He’s already tested all the logical methods to circumvent their enthusiasm. 

 

Whenever recruits roll in,  the Captain finds the farthest wall with the darkest corner and plants himself there. The passing glint of his eyes and the sheen of his boots remain the only features visible. This strategy fails him. The recruits know Humanity’s Greatest Soldier must be in attendance. Their eyes search him out with a twitchy urgency that annoys Levi more than the everpresent dust lining his windowsill. As soon as one  of them spots his silhouette in the shadows, excited murmurs immediately ensue. The captain looks ahead, bearing the brunt of it. Hanji stifles her laughter at this reaction and winks at Levi from across the room. While most of his fellow superiors are sympathetic towards his situation, Hanji finds great twisted joy and amusement in it. She’s the who informed him of his failed methods.  _ “To them, you distancing yourself comes across as mysterious.”  _

 

He decides to never speak to them. He passes them wordlessly in the hall- no point- considering many of them will die within a month. This only makes them more desperate to speak to him. Most of their efforts strike him as pitiful. While most employ subtle approaches to get his attention: whispering about him in the dining hall, staring at him from across the training yard, “accidentally” bumping into him out by the stables. Some prefer more direct approaches. He despises these recruits the most. He revolts at the tall, handsome cocky newcomer who leers at him unabashedly while lifting his shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow. He glares daggers at the smiley, flirty recruit who thinks her beauty gives her a right to touch him. Hanji’s commentary makes another appearance,  _ “To them, your disinterest translates into edginess.”  _

 

Ugh, damn you Hanji. 

 

Again, ignoring all their advances remains his only option. If he addresses them in any way, it comes across as if the advances of hormonal juveniles actually bother him which they don’t. 

 

This predicament is *partly* why Levi handpicks his squad. Even if Erwin recommends a strong and promising new recruit to him; the Captain will reject it, not worth the risk. He prefers members of his squad to be experienced and older, definitely older. Adults know how to manage their attraction while teens can’t hide theirs for shit. Older squad members are also typically married, which allows Levi to be more at ease with his team- not having to front an aggressive rigidness to dampen naive expectations. 

 

One aspect to the whole situation that bothers Levi the most- is his age. He doubts all these barely legal recruits would still be interested in him if they knew their Captain was more than twice their age. Most people see his smooth, pale skin and lithely muscled figure and assume him to be no more than twenty five. Levi’s well aware of his youthful appearance. His mother never seemed to age either but he hoped his voice would help counteract this misconception, since it is rather deep and imperial. Levi wonders when the hard lines of his face will come in--taking into account all the war and destruction he’s witnessed- he’d say he has earned them. Yet everyday he wakes and looks in the mirror to see his face hasn’t aged since his early twenties. His soul on the other hand feels like it harbors the weight of multiple lifetimes. Fuck him, honestly. 

 

When Erwin approached him about the plan to recruit Eren Yeager, Levi nodded, prepared to do what is necessary. Typically, the Captain never responds to orders with follow up questions but a shred of doubt lingers with him.  He speaks to the back of his commander, “How far should I take it?” 

 

The other man pauses for a moment then turns to face the Captain. 

 

“Far.” 

 

Levi nods and the two go their separate ways. 

 

*** 

 

On the day of the trial, Levi administers Yeager a beating so vicious he thinks the boy will sustain permanent damage of some kind. He kicks with his full strength and targets the body’s weakest points. The “discipline” needs to look convincing to both sides, otherwise the act won’t resonate as strongly and the Survey Corps needs Yeager. There is a split moment-- after Levi’s first kick knocks the boys tooth out-- where Yeager looks up at the Captain, shocked and fearful. Levi remembers feeling taken back by just how delicate the boy’s face was. A pulse of hesitation runs through him- reluctant to ruin something so obviously pure. Disturbed by this uncanny bout of distraction, the Captain decimates it by slamming his foot into the boy’s ribs. 

 

After the judge consents to Levi’s proposal, the Captain spares an emotionless glance down at the bleeding boy collapsed at his feet before turning around and walking out without another word. The courtroom is mostly silent as he exits besides the wet heaving of a broken Eren Jaeger. Levi can’t get the image of Eren’s fearful green eyes out of his mind for the rest of the day. He can’t shake the sensations of the boy’s bones and flesh splitting easily under his boot. 

 

*** 

 

When Hanji cleans the boy’s face later, Levi slinks back against the far wall. He crosses his arms over his chest and stares stoically ahead. He sneaks sparing glances at Jaeger who is surprisingly capable of sitting upright. Not that Levi wanted to seriously hurt the boy, but his kicks are damn strong, capable of splitting concrete. His strikes should have broken some bones. In fact, Levi knows he broke bone- if the crunch of Jaeger’s third rib was anything to go by. He leans forward a bit. 

 

When Erwin shakes the boy’s hand and Yeager’s eyes light up like a match being lit- Levi pushes himself off the wall, feeling annoyed by all the blatant hero worship. Still occupied by Erwin’s annoying gallantry, Yeager flinches in surprise (and fear) when Levi drops his hand behind him and sits down. The boy watches him with the same panicky look in his eyes he wore in the courtroom. 

 

Levi stares at him levelly. The kid’s face is still in order. And when he says “in order” he means as it was before. And when he says “as it was before” he means exquisite- in a strictly objective sense. Anyone could see the young man bore appealing features- especially those eyes. The affectionate thought startles the captain. Levi clenches his fists into tightly wound balls and he hates himself for that fucking pathetic thought. 

 

“So Eren, do you hate me?” 

 

Levi expects the answer to be a polite phrasing of the word “yes,” hopes for it to be. If Eren despised him, the captain would have an easier job distancing himself from the younger man. And Levi knows this isn’t the appropriate time, but there’s no chance now that Yeager could hold a shred of attraction towards him. Levi did beat the kid gratuitously in front of a major audience. The brutal demonstration brought some people to tears due to its sheer cruelness. Levi didn’t blame them. He truly wouldn’t be surprised if the whole experience traumatized the kid.  

 

Jaeger rubs his shoulder, looking like a beat dog, and shakes his head, “No. I understand it was necessary.” 

 

Levi looks away,  _ shit, _ “Glad to hear.” 

 

Not. 


	2. Rusty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished season one and two. Thank God Season 3 is getting released.

Levi witnessed every one of his loved ones deaths in person. He’s watched countless humans be devoured, maimed, torn, and twisted. He’s experienced, profoundly, every type of physical and emotional pain possible. He knows torture, chains, and starvation. He routinely forces his body past its natural limits. He has survived the most extreme of cold and heat. Everyday he wakes willing to sacrifice all that he is for the good of humanity.  In short, he’s a hardcore individual and not at all afraid to admit his attraction towards Eren Jaeger. 

 

It’s just such a fucking inconvenience. Honestly, Levi’s surprised he can still feel attraction towards another human being. The feeling hasn’t come over him in goddamn years. The reawakening drives Levi to long for his old reputation, the one he earned as a young recruit, that of  a non-feeling, autonomous killer. People avoided him back then.. But as time went on, after he gained the title of “Humanity’s Strongest,” his reputation shifted. It changed from “non-feeling, autonomous killer” to “non-feeling, autonomous killer with major sex appeal.” It goes without saying that being promoted to Captain didn’t help the situation. 

 

At that point-- almost overnight-- the waves of lust-driven recruits began to roll in. At first, the fervor threw him. Their advances would have his cheeks flushing and his palms sweating. As a newly appointed Captain, he lacked the stoic composure modeled by him today. Complete control over one’s emotions came from rigid discipline, something he once considered unimportant. And being from the underground, how to snap a neck and steal from pockets remained more his areas of expertise over wooing and seduction. Levi considered his lack of experience in these departments a weakness, something to improve upon and control. 

 

To the young Captain, “romantics” just embodied another skill set to master and he always enjoyed a good challenge. Soon Levi was tossing the recruits’ flirtatious techniques right back at them with improved vigor. He liked seeing them squirm when his eye-contact outlasted theirs. He found amusement in the way their breath caught when he showed off his 3D maneuver skills. He chuckled to himself when he caught recruits watching him in the yard as he worked out without his shirt.

 

He never engaged romantically with recruits, only liked seeing them squirm. The only propositions he took seriously were from fellow commanding officers. He fooled around a bit with powerful men and women but none proved good enough for him in the long run. None matched his strength or skill. Levi briefly considered pursuing Erwin, the one man that could hold him down, but Levi valued their partnership too much. Anyways, when he was young, all the attention made him feel powerful but as he grew older the game became old and tiresome. He ultimately found greater satisfaction when his respect was grounded in fear rather than infatuation. 

 

Upon realizing this, Levi focused solely on being an authoritative figure. He allowed austerity to overtake him. Casting out extraneous emotions disciplined his character, made tough calls easier to make, and he admired this effect. As for his sex appeal, Levi did nothing to encourage it nor weaken it. He simply ignored it and subsequently, it became a manageable constant in his life. 

 

And when he says “constant” he means constant. Levi just assumes everyone is attracted to him because well, not to sound conceited-  but he’s goddamn Captain Levi. 

 

When Eren Jaeger joins the corps and becomes Humanity’s Greatest Hope, Levi feels personally attacked somehow. Of course this hot headed, problematic brat is the first person Levi feels attraction towards for almost a decade. At this point in his career, Levi knows right and wrong.  The cons of being interested in Eren far outweigh the pros. The boy’s irrational, vulnerable, bratty, naive and unpredictable. All qualities Levi tolerates zero. On the other hand, the fucker’s also self-sacrificing, compassionate, uncompromising, adaptable, and resilient. All qualities Levi values. He also has such fiercely arresting eyes. Everytime he looks at Jaeger he feels this internal war going on inside him and he fucking hates it. 

 

On top of it all, Eren is now Humanity’s Greatest Hope. Levi carries the responsibility of keeping the boy safe. The task is so unlike his usual assignment. While knows every way to slaughter a Titan, he knows nothing about protecting one. 

 

Every morning, he watches Jaeger struggle to control his Titan abilities. He watches the boy fail over and over and over again. He notices Hanji’s worrisome expressions when Eren’s not looking. He evaluates the guarded manner in which his team treats Jaeger. Eren’s safety seems so far from likely and Levi feels fear for the first time in a long time. 

 

He hates how vulnerable Eren makes him and yet the brat doesn’t seem to notice at all. 

 

And yet Levi can’t blame him for that. Jaeger's still a kid. He can’t be aware of all that’s at stake. 

 

But despite all the ways Eren unconsciously weakens Levi, the Captain can’t help but feel affection for him. 

 

For one, the brat’s good at cleaning. He makes sure to dust under the tables, scrub edges, and perform cursory sweeps of every room. He even picks up the slack of other corp members. The kid finishes his assigned area and then quietly waits outside for Eld or Gunther, the goddamn slackers, to leave so he can tidy up their area up even more. Levi’s torn between loving and hating this habit of Jaeger’s. Obviously he appreciates the kid’s thoroughness but he hates how the brat probably just does it to curry favor with him. He hates it because it’s fucking working. At yesterday’s breakfast, Hanji shot him a knowing look from across the table when he announced Eld would be cleaning the gardens instead of Eren.  Eld groaned and protested into his porridge. Eren’s eyes widened in surprise and Levi ignored him. But as soon as the brat’s soft and reverent sounding “thank you, Captain,” reached his ears, Levi shot up out of his chair and left. 

 

Despite Eren’s brattiness, he’s also incredibly willing to learn. His determination to improve impresses Levi on the daily. Hanji asks Eren to perform feats that often require him to induce intense pain or physical strain. One test Hanji asked the boy to bite off his finger so she could measure his healing rate. Levi stepped in, marching across the yard, surprising himself and the other two. 

“Jaeger. You don’t have to do that. That request crosses the line,” he roughly nudged Hanji with the heel of his boot. Hanji just looked unapologetic as usual. 

 

Eren didn’t respond for a second. 

 

“Levi,” began Hanji, “this is important for my studies. Close up examination of such a phenomenon would-,”

 

“I don’t mind it Sir,” interrupted Eren, locking eyes with Levi. 

 

Levi looked skeptically down at the boy who sat cross legged in the grass, “You don’t sound very sure Jaeger.” 

 

“It’s for humanity. I’m sure Sir.” 

 

Levi  scoffed, turned away and left without a word. He felt acute pain in his chest when he heard Jaeger’s cry of pain come from behind him. The boy’s finger grew back by dinner that night. Hanji chatted about it excitedly, mentioning its growth rate and comparing it to other Titan calculations. The team regarded Eren with not so subtle ostracizing glares. Eren pretended not to notice them and listened to Hanji with a forced smile on his face. He kept rubbing his hands together, fingers criss crossing over one another. Levi wanted to reach across the table and clutch the boy’s hand in his, kiss each knuckle, take his fingers into his mouth. The Captain downed the rest of his tea and left. 

 

*** 

 

At this point, Levi’s resigned to being attracted to Eren. As much as he knows it’s a bad idea, it’s not like he can just make the attraction disappear. And the Captain has never been one to sit on his emotions. He’s not one for pining. What’s the point when there’s no time? Their chances of dying remain high inside the walls and even higher outside of them. You may as well _ feel  _ something for someone when you get the chance. 

 

Yes, the Captain feels. 

 

The wax of the candle beside him starts to melt quickly now, the flame eating down what’s left of the white stump. He’s got ten minutes left of light at most. Every morning, Levi places two tall candles on his desk. It’s not until both of them burn out completely that he attempts sleep. 

 

Both hands come up to the side of his face, rubbing his pointer fingers in slow, deliberate circles above his ears. His lidded gaze finds the chair across the room and he sighs. Years ago, Erwin received a mansion-worth collection of furniture from a royal cousin, a gift to the Commander for saving her life. He accepted the gesture graciously but his face was looked pinched as he shook the woman’s hand, probably thinking about the non-existent house he owned with his non-existent wife and children. 

 

The Commander ended up selling the pieces. The profits were enough to feed the entirety of the Survey Corps for six months. Levi hates rich people. He really does. 

 

But apparently Erwin didn’t sell all the pieces because one morning Levi walked into his office to be rudely greeted by an enormous chair in the middle of his office. The piece looked simple yet elegant, with sharp regal patterns carved deeply into the dense oak. A fine red, like that of a rose, painted the skin of the cushions and clung to every dip and ridge of the chair. It was obviously from Erwin’s recently acquired furniture haul. The immediate need to march into Erwin’s office and demand he get rid of the thing died as soon as he sat down. Sleep took him almost immediately. Unfortunately, the chair’s power waned dramatically over the years. His insomnia was back in full swing after about a month of owning it but the piece still helped him rest. He keeps it tucked into the back corner of his office where it’s darkest. 

 

The flame dances wildly now, like a dog shaking rain water from its coat. It’s throwing messy shadows around the room and the strobe effect starts to hurt his eyes. He leans down to blow out the flame but then there’s a knock on his door. Huh. 

 

“Who is it,” says Levi, tone flat but loud. 

 

The door creaks open, “It’s Eren,” a pause, “Sir.” 

 

Levi’s eyebrow raises. 

 

“Jaeger. What is it?” 

 

“Um, can I come in sir?” 

 

“If you must.” 

 

Eren pokes his head in first. When he sees the Captain he nods politely causing a strand of loose hair to fall into face. Damn that’s cute. The boy really needs to cut his hair. Levi rolls his eyes so he can look away. 

 

The young recruit walks forward and stops a good distance away from his superior’s desk. Eren just stands there awkwardly, seemingly forgetting he was the one to walk into Levi’s office and should be the one to initiate conversation. The older man waits, leans back in his chair, and crosses his right leg over his left. He continues to allow the uncomfortable silence to ride out. 

 

Something shiny catches Levi’s eye. It’s the damn key Eren wears around his neck. The literal key to humanity, get it? And  _ oh _ , because Jaeger’s neck is on display. The under- shirt Eren usually wears below his uniform dips well below his collarbones, exposing the upper half of his chest. The inflated neckline looks like it’s constantly tugged at and pulled away from the throat. Between the shallow line dividing the boy’s  pecs sits the key, reflecting the light of the candle. Eren takes a deep breath and Levi’s gaze flicks up the tan, flexing line of his throat. He wants to bite down all of a sudden. Hard. Preferably on Eren but the Captain settles for his bottom lip instead. 

 

“What can I do for you Jaeger.” 

 

“Sir I… I was looking to get some advice.” 

 

Levi raises a pointed eyebrow. “Advice?”

 

“Yeah I-,” Eren stops and shakes his head at the ground, looking frustrated. His foot stomps- once, twice. Then the boy looks up, takes a deep breath, the orange flames loop across his green eyes. He opens his mouth to speak. 

 

“How can I be better for you?” 

 

Levi’s cock twitches. The Captain near convulses in his seat. Jaeger can’t just come in late at night and say shit like that. He’s confident Eren meant it in an earnest, soldier-way- because of course he fucking did- but the question still disarms Levi enough to be a problem. Why did Eren have to phrase his question like that? Is the brat so completely oblivious to the concept of double entendres? 

 

“What does that even mean?” asks Levi, shifting forward in his seat a bit. 

 

Eren swallows, looking slightly less determined. He probably expected a straightforward answer and not additional prodding. A moment of intense deliberation, and then Eren begins taking a few steps forward. His steps creak lightly on the floorboards and Levi watches him, gaze wary, until Eren stands right in front of the older man’s desk. Up close, Levi has to work harder not to let his eyes wander over all that smooth, unmarred chest. He wonders how quick Eren’s skin would heal if he sunk his teeth into it. Keeping his eyes in check proves damn hard with the key shimmering at every movement. 

 

“I mean exactly that. I want to know how I can serve you better sir.” 

 

Ok, fuck did Eren seriously not detect any sexual nuances in his question? None at all? And the “sir” at the end, really? The thought of Eren being completely inexperienced  makes Levi groan internally. On one hand, Levi’s happy with it. He can take all of Eren for himself. On the other hand, it’s going to make seducing him take longer. Inexperienced brat. 

 

Levi hasn’t really thought about  _ how _ he’s going to get Eren in his bed. He’s thought a lot about Eren  _ in _ his bed, performing many various acts in many various positions- but he’s neglected the “how.” He hasn’t formed any strategic plan to woo. He considers Eren for a moment, young and virginal. He supposes he can just turn the charm on. 

 

In the past, with more innocent-types, simply changing his demeanor from cold and disinterested to attentive and teasing tended to work well. People felt special when they experienced a “different side” to Humanity’s Greatest. When Erwin and he were younger, they frequently got dispatched on inner-city diplomatic missions by higher ups. Their orders?  Basically to convince rich fuckers to contribute to the military budget. They were sent to parties hosted by royals and nobles and Levi hated everything except the silk cravat tied around his neck. 

 

Most of the time, he didn’t take the assignment seriously, preferring to down as much champagne as possible before night’s end. Erwin on the other hand always took their orders seriously- boring fuck- going around, shaking hands and charming idiots with his manners, politeness, and practiced chivalry. When Levi got really drunk, he started interpreting Erwin’s charismatic success as competition. Immature yeah but whatever. He’d set his drunk aside and actually try to persuade rich assholes. Unlike the Commander, Levi preferred crudity, shamelessness, and lewd advances. Full on eroticism. Turns out- the task was really fucking easy. Rich elites craved depravity like everyone else, but with their repressed asses- maybe even moreso. 

 

When he sees Eren, he doesn’t see a stuck up asshole looking for a thrill, but he imagines the teen wanting to explore his sexuality. Growing up in such repressive times, it’s most likely Eren simply never got the chance to fuck versus not wanting to. Levi can work with that. 

 

“You want to know how to serve me better,” states Levi, voice low and controlled. 

 

Eren nods, “Yes sir. I feel like I can be doing more.” 

 

Levi leans back in his chair and tilts his head back, the long line of his throat on display. He watches Eren under hooded eyes. 

 

“Better for me... _ ”  _ Levi lets his voice drag, decadent over every word. 

 

Eren shakes his head affirmatively, dislodging the brown strands tucked behind his ear.  They fall back across his eyes and Eren ignores them. Levi half wants to cut off the boy’s hair and half watch it grow out long below his shoulders. He bet Eren would look absolutely ravishing with his hair tied back, the strands spread out  like grape vines across his back and shoulders as Levi enters him from behind. 

 

“Yes. 

 

Using his heels, Levi plants his heels on the desk and pushes himself backwards. The chair’s wooden legs screech on the floor. He stands, walks to the other side of his desk, right in front of the younger man. They hold eye contact as Levi sits on his desk, one foot touching the floor- the other dangling above it. He crosses his arms. Slightly intimidated, Eren takes a tiny step backwards. 

 

The kid always stands a good distance away from him, hell everyone does, because they know the Captain’s a fiend for personal space. But Levi has to break the space-barrier with Eren and there’s really only one way to do that. Touch. 

 

“I don’t see how you can improve as a soldier when you haven’t even gotten down the basics,” Levi says, making an effort to soften his voice.  

 

Eren swallows, looking hurt. The kid really does have to stop being so sensitive to everything. 

 

“I’ve been working everyday for three hours on my 3d maneuvering. I’ve really improved with my change of direction in midair but I’m always able to-,”

 

“Your uniform’s not in order.’ 

 

The boy pauses, “My-my uniform?”

 

Instead of snapping like he usually would at such a redundant comment, the Captain nods, tilting his head down at Eren’s mud stained boots. 

 

“You need to clean the leather. Ideally everyday but especially after it rains.” 

 

“Everyday?”

 

“Notice the mud caked in between the creases of your boots.”

 

“The mud?”

 

Eren’s eyes drop down to study his boots. Levi takes the opportunity to quickly hook his right foot around Eren’s ankle and yank him forward. The boy lets out a surprised yelp as he loses balance, stumbling forward right between the Captain’s legs. Levi tries not to look too pleased with himself. He stabilizes the kid (prevents him from moving way) by firmly gripping his shoulders. Levi notes they’re surprisingly firm. 

 

“Mud dries into the leather, stiffens it, and subsequently limits lower body motility. Doesn’t sound ideal when avoiding titans does it?” 

 

This close, Eren avoids eye contact like the plague. He stares off awkwardly to the side, coughing to clear his throat. 

 

“Um-,”

 

“I need a closer look.” 

 

Not true, Levi could see fine from where Eren stood before. 

 

“Oh, um okay.” 

 

“Stand straight.” 

 

Eren does so, his form righting under Levi’s hands. The boy stands tall over him now with the Captain still seated on the desk.

 

“Your jacket is also badly wrinkled,” he points out. 

 

Levi trails his hands down the length of Eren’s arms, his touch slow and deliberate. His fingers dip and glide over Eren’s developing musculature. No one could mistake the act as anything other than flirting. He looks up expecting to see Eren flustered, maybe even blushing, but the kid just stares at him levelly. No apparent discomposure on his side, just awkwardness. Does the brat not understand what Levi’s intentions are? 

 

His fingers halt their progress when they make it to Eren’s hands. Levi holds his wrists softly between his pointer finger and thumb and looks up. They’re in an undeniably intimate position. Eren, stands between Levi’s legs, with the older man below him. He’s relaxed and like this, he’s vulnerable. He’d never let anyone else see him like this. The gesture should really say something. 

 

“Do you fold your clothes?” 

 

“Uh no, not really. I usually just toss them at the end of my bed.”

 

Although the response jars Levi on a fundamental level,  _ the wrinkles _ , he simply hums in response. 

 

“I can tell. The wrinkles on this are nearly ingrained into the fabric.”

 

He moves his hands to grip the bottom of Eren’s shirt and tugs it down so it’s straight, the wrinkles disappearing immediately. Eren flinches as cold air rushes in through the waist level opening, tickling his stomach. Levi likes to watch him squirm.  

 

“Um, Sir. So how do you advise I prevent wrinkles?” 

 

Levi ignores him, beginning to toy with the fabric. He notes how soft the material is as it passes between his fingers. Levi tries hard not to think how close his hands are to Eren’s crotch, how easy it would be to hook his fingers under the waistband and pull. There’s an oddly intense body heat radiating from Eren’s skin. He wants to touch more than ever. Instead, Levi releases the shirt with a snap and the sharp motion also seems to snap Eren into reality. 

 

His eyes drop down to the Captain, his green orbs wide and in disbelief. He’s never been this close to the other man before, never felt his touch except during the courtroom beating, never heard Levi speak so warmly before, never realized how sharp the grey was in his eyes, never felt the strange coiling in the pit of his stomach... 

 

“Uhhh,”  

 

Bewildered and at odds with the situation- Eren stumbles back but at the same time Levi stands, steps forward, and swiftly refills the space. They’re just as close now as they were before, maybe even closer. Eren has no idea how to respond to the situation. His surroundings feels dangerous somehow, the air thicker. His palms sweat. Eren feels a distinct urge to bolt. Although he knows Levi isn’t about to hit him, the current predicament shoulders that same kind of intensity. He opens his mouth to excuse himself but then Levi’s holding the key around his neck. 

 

“You should really hide this better.” 

 

The Captain examines the key in his hand, turning it over a few times. For a moment, Eren wants to yank the key back, a surge of fury washing over him. The key is the most precious thing he owns. He recognizes its importance in discovering a greater truth but it also… well, it makes him feel better about his Titan identity, allows him to feel almost proud. And feeling good about himself eludes Eren on even his best days. An inescapable isolation clings to him wherever he goes. He’s a monster in most people’s eyes. Nothing’s more important than keeping the key safe but in the hands of Humanity’s Greatest Soldier or Titan Killer, it has never felt so defenseless. 

 

“It’s better close to me.” 

 

Levi considers this for a moment, “Is it actually safer with you? Or does it just make you feel better?” 

 

Eren feels angry again, upset that his emotions remain so complicated to him yet so transparent to others. He reaches up to take the key back, expecting Levi to let go but the Captain holds on. Eren’s fingers end up wrapping around both the key and Levi’s hand, dragging them back towards his chest as a unit. 

 

Levi’s skin is cold. That’s the first thing he notices when his fingers wrap around the Captain’s hand. He wonders if the heat of his skin surprises Levi, knowing how contrast heightens sensation. In times of anxiety, Eren likes to hold the key in his hand- much like Mikasa clutches to her scarf to make her feel better. Normally nothing impedes his grip, except this time. 

 

Levi still hasn’t let go and Eren- indignant in his entitlement- (the key  _ is his)   _ won’t let go either. If he wasn’t so angry, Eren would probably feel awkward at essentially holding the Captain’s hand to his heart. 

 

“You can let go now sir.” 

 

Levi smirks, tilting his head to the side, “Your hand is trapping mine.” 

 

“Oh,” Eren says sheepishly, looking away, “Right.” 

 

He drops his hand in defeat but Levi still won’t let go. Instead, he flattens his hand against Eren’s chest, holding the key in place with his palm and brings his other hand up to press against his cheek, redirecting Eren’s attention back on him. The gesture feels strangely motherly and what’s even stranger is how Levi manages to pull it off. Relaxation washes over him in an instant. And it’s the type of total body looseness that forces you to feel every facet of your exhaustion. From here, Eren wants nothing more than to fall into his Captain’s arms. Maybe sleep there for a day or two. He never thought he’d see Levi like this- attentive and warm- but now that he has- Eren wants to immerse himself in it. 

 

“Eren, says the Captain in a soft voice, look at me.” 

 

His green eyes open blearily. 

 

“You know I’d never hurt you.” 

 

Eren nods. 

 

“My purpose is to keep you safe.” 

 

“Your duty you mean.”

 

“To me they’re the same.” 

 

He presses the key firmer into Eren’s chest, enough so he can feel the heartbeat under his palm. Eren looks down at it, his expression something unreadable. Their lips are so close now. Leaning in and closing the distance would be easy. 

 

“Captain, I really came here to apologize for failing you and I- I’m, ” his words come out as whispers. 

 

Levi nods, urging him closer, “I know. I know.” 

 

“-scared.” 

 

Eren’s eyes shut and Levi takes that as his invitation to finally close the distance but then Eren’s jerking away, key clutched between his fists and eyes wide as a doe’s. 

 

“Uh-um thank you for the advice Captain. G’night.” 

 

And then he practically sprints out the door. Levi spends a few minutes standing in the center of the room. He then makes his way over to his chair and sinks down into it. His mind feels slightly tickled. He was sure he had Eren right where he wanted him, confident the boy felt the intimate charge between them. Was he not forward enough in his advances? He thought he was, but then again it’s been years since he’s done this sort of thing. The more he replays the interaction in his mind, the less Eren’s reaction makes sense. No one’s ever turned him away like that. The night drags on and his thoughts begin to take a turn into self deprecation. Un- accustomed to rejection, he begins to doubt if he’s still got it. Perhaps age has taken its toll. Perhaps he’s lost his way? Maybe it is possible that the brat just isn’t into him. No, Levi’s resolve isn’t that weak, but he considers the possibility that his approach “may” be rusty. For the first time in a long time, he feels insecure. The emotion is an out of body feeling for him. He hates it and decides he’ll test his ability tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Levi, first time he hasn't gotten the D when he wanted it. I'm lowkey a fan of slightly self-absorbed Levi Ackerman- at least when it comes to having game- because um he's Levi Ackerman. Next chapter will be Levi making sure he's still "got it" by basically flirting on people. Let me know what you guys thought I love hearing feedback! Thanks for reading


End file.
